Fat kids always finish last.

 

As I approached the starting line, I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but at the same time, I thought to myself - "Hey, now, you do CrossFit a few times a week, you're a fairly active person; it won't be THAT bad." Boy, was I wrong. I started up the hill with the group of friends that I had signed up with; there were 6 of us in total. I only knew one of the girls - the others I had met that morning...

I was so grateful that A had asked if I wanted to join her and her friends at the MetCon Blue race. A and I have just become friends recently. We met through CrossFit (CF from now on) a couple months ago and just kind of clicked. We had similar interests and similar sense of humor. A has just recently dropped about 30lbs and is doing really well - she's super active and eats really clean. 

As I met all of A's friends that morning, all I could think to myself was "all of these people look pretty fit... I'm in so much trouble." As we broke away from the starting line, I instantly knew that I was going to slow them down. The first 1.5km of the race was uphill, there were a couple obstacles at the top - one of which was through water. I have never felt so refreshed jumping into muddy water before. I was the one that trailed behind the group. They would all get ahead, hit an obstacle and then wait for me to catch up. All of A's friends were really good about it - they cheered me on and never made me feel bad for making them wait.

But I did feel bad. I felt horrible. I was the fat kid. I was the kid that couldn't keep up no matter how hard I tried. I felt good finishing the race, but felt awful at the same time. 

That race and the following week of eating anything and everything brought me to Friday when I wrote my first post. I got home from a work trip on Friday and realized that I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't keep gaining weight and feeling terrible, which then leads me to eat more.