The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

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I'm pretty much at the 2 week mark of getting my shit together. It's been an interesting ride so far. One of the things that I've tried to do this time is not have the "all or nothing" mentality. Every other time I've tried to lose weight, I've had the mindset that I have to be really clean 100% of the time. Although, what happened was that if I did eat something that I wasn't allowing myself to have, it would throw me off course, sometimes for a day, sometimes for a week. I would feel like I had ruined everything.

This time around I'm trying to have a different mindset about everything. I'm not beating myself up when I eat something I'm trying to stay away from and I'm getting right back on track after a flub. This week was pretty good... besides Wednesday. Wednesday I went to a friends house - this friend loves junky food as much as I do, and, well, I ate junk. A lot of it. I felt like crap after eating all of it (both mentally and physically) and I was really disappointed in myself. But I just keep reminding myself that this is not going to be a quick change for me, I need to take my time with it, this time around.

I also need to remind myself how far I've come. I recently found pictures of me from 2004 and needless to say, they were not pretty - at all. Take a look for yourself.

I feel like I've come a long way since then. I no longer have a double chin (which is always a bonus) and I'm no longer a size 16-18, which I was in those pictures.

To compare, below is a more recent photo of me (from a wedding I went to at the end of April - only full body show I had).

When I look back at these pictures, I'm shocked that I used to look like that. But I've been the size I am now for too long and it's time to get my ass in gear and drop some lbs so I can really start working towards my CrossFit goals. 

By the end of the summer, I want to be able to do 1 single pull up without a band. Right now I can do 1 pull up with the skinniest band, but it's a struggle. 

April 2013

I know there's other people out there that are in the same boat I am - the on again, off again people. But I don't want to be off anymore. I'm so sick of not being comfortable in my own skin. That picture to the right, although I have come a long way since 2004, I'm still not comfortable with myself. All I remember from that picture was how uncomfortable I felt and how worried I was about how fat I was going to look in the picture.

I'm ready to get my shit together. This time I don't expect miracles, I've come to learn that you get out of it what you put into it. I think I've finally been able to find balance when it comes to food, and I'm ready to make it work this time.