Thursday, January 8, 2015

Here We Go Again

Well folks, it's that time of year that I try and get my ass in gear. This time last year I got my ass in gear, dropped just over 20lbs and then lost complete control around July and have since gained almost every single pound back.

Needless to say, the past month or so have been almost completely unbearable. I feel horrible about myself, none of my clothes fit, I'm constantly uncomfortable, I feel so big.

This is the one life challenge that I haven't been able to conquer and I am completely and utterly sick of it. 

I don't want to be the fat chick.

In 2008 I got down to 162.2 lbs, from 220.3lbs. It was one fo the most amazing accomplishments and I felt like a million bucks. I don't ever remember being that happy. I want to be that happy again. I want that feeling back.

So to keep me motivated, I signed up for DietBet - in a nutshell, you sign up to a 'group' and commit to lose either 4% or 10% of your body weight over a period of 4 week (4%) or 6 months (10%). You pay to enter the group and when you attain the goal in the specified time frame, you get to split to total pot of money with all those that also attained the goal.

I signed up for the 4% over 4 weeks. I weighed in Sunday...
207.4 - I can't believe I gained almost every single pound back.
You have to include the word of the day for the DietBet weigh in, hence the work Potato.
 Monday was a successful day, Tuesday went well until I went out to dinner with friends and then I caved and ate a lot of crappy food; but I got back on it Wednesday and did really well. For Breakfast yesterday I made a breakfast salad... It was AMAZING.
It's a mixed greens salad (kale, brussel sprouts, broccoli, pumpkin seeds, cranberries)
topped with bacon and soft boiled eggs.
I also took my puppy for a hike in the bitter bitter cold... It was at least -20 C yesterday.
That's my 5 month old German Shepherd pup!! Love him to bits.

Then this morning, I decided to do what I like to call, reality photos. I find I never truly see myself until I see photos of myself. So I did the most honest photos:
I'm not at all happy with the above - the amount of fat in those photos makes me feel ill... to be honest, I can't quite believe I'm posting these on the internet for all to see... but I need to be honest with myself and accountable. 

But I'm pulling it together and anytime I start to lose motivation, I feel like I just need to look at these photos... 

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Top 10 reasons I need to keep trying.

10. I've been trying to lose weight (overall successfully) for over 10 years.
9.   I hate being fat
8.   I enjoy when I'm eating well (for the most part - let's be honest, everyone loves wolfing down a Big Mac, on occasion)
7.   I enjoy treats more when I'm eating well (Nothing beats eating clean and then once a week eating something completely delectable... like poutine.... nom nom nom).
6.   I exercise more when I'm eating well/losing weight and I have more energy
5.   I really like blogging about it and connect with others that do the same
4.   Did I mention I hate being fat?
3.   I've always wanted the day to arrive when I fit into a size 10 comfortable (I was there for a brief period  in 2008 and it was awesome).
2.   I want to have children in the somewhat near future and really want to get in shape before I get pregnant.
1.   I am a bridesmaid in my friends wedding next June and I want to look fantastic (is that a completely shallow reason to want to lose weight? Maybe - but to be perfectly honest, at this point, I'm going to go with any motivation - I don't want to be "the fat chick" that ruins all the wedding pictures).

Well, since my last post I've gained weight back (are we really surprised though? It's kinda my thing - gain, then lose, then gain, then lose and so one the roller coaster goes). I'm currently sitting (like, literally, I do a lot of sitting at my job, unfortunately) at 200.3 lbs. On the bright side, that's .9lbs down from last week. I really tried to get my shit together last week, and did really well Monday and Tuesday (even did a CrossFit workout for the first time in almost a month), but come Wednesday evening I crashed, stuffing my face with cheese and crackers and tacos and butter tarts - and it was all downhill from there, for the remainder of the week. So, the fact that I lost almost a pound is fine by me.

C'mon Bloggy friends, let's do this.

P.S. Found a great website for good recipes: Against All Grain - I know, I know, you're all probably like "Geez, PPiP, we've known about this site for ages... where have you been...?" Well I've been getting plump and round - so I haven't been searching for good clean recipe sites.... give me a break on this one? Anyhow, I'm making this tonight!

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

7 Months... Minus 2 Days

That's how long it's been since I last posted. Since my last post, I got fatter and fatter and fatter, then January hit and I was a fatkid again. Like really fat, puffy looking, you know? That look someone gets when the fat has nowhere left to go - yep, that was me.
Ick. Round Face McGee.
So, back at it, this time I've armed myself with Weight Watchers - I always do better when I have a program telling me what I can and can't do, I need rules... limitations... guidance. Otherwise I run wild and so does my waistline - it's just bad news all around.

So, since January 2nd, I'm down 17 lbs. Well, 16.7 if we're being picky, but I'm rounding up in this situation. Thank god I've lost weight. my wardrobe had severely dwindled and I had very few outfits to wear to work, it was quite scary. I've turned my attention from baking fantastic tasting bad for the scale foods, to almost fantastic good for the scale foods. Actually, to be honest, lots of them are amazingly tasty, but nothing beats a chocolate cupcake with salted caramel cream cheese icing... c'mon now.
Seriously, the best thing I've ever baked... and I bake a lot.
I'm still doing good 'ol CrossFit, killing myself 2-3 times a week, but it's the only (indoor) workout where I feel like I get a really good sweat on. By the end of a 12 minute WOD, I'm huffing ad puffing and flat on my back wondering if I'll ever recover. It's pretty awesome.

Anyway, I'm back - I plan on this being the final attempt as I'm hoping it sticks this time. Can't WAIT for spring, I'm desperate to get out onto the trails. Recipes next time, I promise - need to get back into the bloggin' swing of things.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

2,899 Calories in 9 hours.

Yep, I ate that many calories in about 9 hours yesterday. Let me explain.

Last Friday was my birthday. So Birthday celebrations started last Wednesday, which was fine - I was being proactive and eating less during the day (not starving myself) so I could indulge a little more at dinner. It was all fine and dandy until saturday night - I started to get back into my old ways of stuffing me face.

Well it all came to a head yesterday. I was working from home, which usually means it's easier for me (diet wise) as I don't have to worry about packing a lunch.

Well yesterday I completely binged - 2,899 calories in less than 9 hours to be exact. And not good calories, no, no, these were all horrible calories. Here's what I ate - in pictures! It makes it more fun, I swear...

Good old KRAFT DINNER! That was first on my list. It's all I could think about around 12:30 in the afternoon, so I made a whole box and ate a whole box *gasp* - I know, say hello to 0 nutritional content. and washed it down with a half pint of milk.
Then I went to Tim Horton's and grabbed a bagle... and added cheese... and bacon.
And I couldn't go to Tim's and not get Timbits - 10 of them... all to myself
And a chocolate milk to wash all that food down:
And just when you start thinking to yourself, "PPiP, that's a lot of food" I say to you - WAIT, there's more!!! Yes, that's right, friends, I then had a lat night snack of five cheese bistro pockets - 2 of them.

And that, my friends, sums of my day, yesterday. So needless to say, I skipped my weigh in last week as it was my bday and I was busy and eating a lot and didn't want to face the music. But I thought what better way to get back on the horse than to tell you all about my binge session yesterday.

Seeing it in writing makes me even more disgusted than I already was.... yikes.

Anyway, here's to today!

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

A Must Watch! Obesity and Diabetes

I am an avid fan of TED talks, I watch them online and on Netflix. I was first introduced to TED a few years back by a colleague that showed me this video by Simon Sinek, called The Golden Circle: How Leaders Inspire Action. That video gave me a new outlook on life, and I started to watch more and more TED videos.

I came across this video (below) yesterday. Watching it, I was astonished by Dr. Attia's honesty and intrigued by his research. I suggest everyone, those suffering from a weight problem and those not suffering from a weight problem, watch this video. It's about 16 minutes long - watch the first 60 seconds and I promise you'll be captivated.

Also, please please please share this video, after you have watched it, if you find it as impactful as I did.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Weigh in: Week 2

July 6th, 2013
I lost .9 lbs in week 2 - I'm happy with it. I binged on Wednesday when I was at my friends place, so to be completely honest, I didn't expect to lose anything. I'm happy with the scale gods right now, for sure.
I had a nicely active weekend! Saturday morning I went to CF with a girlfriend, who I met through CF, and we did a partner workout - a slightly modified version of the one I did on Canada day. It was fun, but we did it outside and man, was it hot and humid. After we left she came back to my place and we did lunch together. I made 'deviled' eggs but used avocado instead of mayo and then added salt, pepper and chives - they were delicious. I paired it with a salad that was mixed greens, pear, walnuts, almond slivers, raisins, tomatoes, onion, peppers and a raspberry lime dressing. 
This is some serious Yum.
Lunch was followed by an afternoon of swimming and relaxing - it was awesome to get into a pool when it's that hot outside.
This morning I went for a trail run - it was really wet and rainy, kinda crappy weather, but the run was beautiful. I did 5.8km in 58 min. Not a great time, but it was my first trail run of the year so I'm not going to be too hard on myself. And I was sweating my ass off, so I felt good!
Right after finishing the run
My gross muddy shoes after
All in all it's been a good weekend - I feel like everyday I'm getting better at managing my cravings, and not over-eating just because it's in front of me. I'm thinking that this is going to be my summer to finally get to where I want to be - and I'm really excited for it. 

I hope you had a fantastic weekend!

Friday, July 5, 2013

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

I'm pretty much at the 2 week mark of getting my shit together. It's been an interesting ride so far. One of the things that I've tried to do this time is not have the "all or nothing" mentality. Every other time I've tried to lose weight, I've had the mindset that I have to be really clean 100% of the time. Although, what happened was that if I did eat something that I wasn't allowing myself to have, it would throw me off course, sometimes for a day, sometimes for a week. I would feel like I had ruined everything.

This time around I'm trying to have a different mindset about everything. I'm not beating myself up when I eat something I'm trying to stay away from and I'm getting right back on track after a flub. This week was pretty good... besides Wednesday. Wednesday I went to a friends house - this friend loves junky food as much as I do, and, well, I ate junk. A lot of it. I felt like crap after eating all of it (both mentally and physically) and I was really disappointed in myself. But I just keep reminding myself that this is not going to be a quick change for me, I need to take my time with it, this time around.

I also need to remind myself how far I've come. I recently found pictures of me from 2004 and needless to say, they were not pretty - at all. Take a look for yourself.

I feel like I've come a long way since then. I no longer have a double chin (which is always a bonus) and I'm no longer a size 16-18, which I was in those pictures.
To compare, below is a more recent photo of me (from a wedding I went to at the end of April - only full body show I had).
When I look back at these pictures, I'm shocked that I used to look like that. But I've been the size I am now for too long and it's time to get my ass in gear and drop some lbs so I can really start working towards my CrossFit goals. 
By the end of the summer, I want to be able to do 1 single pull up without a band. Right now I can do 1 pull up with the skinniest band, but it's a struggle. 
April 2013
I know there's other people out there that are in the same boat I am - the on again, off again people. But I don't want to be off anymore. I'm so sick of not being comfortable in my own skin. That picture to the right, although I have come a long way since 2004, I'm still not comfortable with myself. All I remember from that picture was how uncomfortable I felt and how worried I was about how fat I was going to look in the picture.

I'm ready to get my shit together. This time I don't expect miracles, I've come to learn that you get out of it what you put into it. I think I've finally been able to find balance when it comes to food, and I'm ready to make it work this time.